Moss
by Lock Owl
Summary: Estel [Aragorn] has run away from home--and made his way safely to Lothlorien! Galadriel aims to discover what disturbs the child, and why he refuses to go home. Rated for angst.
1. The Elven Witch and My Little Grey Stone

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places thereof

Author's Note: By request of my writing partner, Galadriel, this story is AU, so as to include Celebrían and have her not yet gone to the Havens. And all the calculations in this story that Estel does in his head were done in my head, so it is possible.

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'. . .in italics. . .' means thoughts

****

'. . .in bold. . .' means Galadriel speaking into someone's mind

". . .regular. . ." means normal speech

*****

I hummed quietly, then wrapped my fingers in my hair and tugged at it a bit, then scratched my nose, then tried doing number problems in my head--two twos is four, four fours is sixteen, sixteen sixteens is two hundred fifty-six. None of this calmed my nerves at all. I was jumping from one foot to the other, thinking how nice it would be to take a long run right about then, perhaps even to climb a few non-_mallorn_ trees, if there were any about, but of course there were not. By this point I had frankly come to believe that the Lady Galadriel had only summoned me up into the _mallorn_ tree to test whether or not I was frightened of heights. I wasn't.

Bored, I took a smooth stone from my pocket. It was ordinary, quite; grey, ovular and rather slim, though not at all rough. It was a river-stone, which I had picked up on my travels, noting its use. Many similar stones I had, under the tutelage of my elder brothers, learned to skip clean across small ponds. Though I was nowhere near as good at it as they, I could still keep the stone in the air when kicking it from foot to foot. This is precisely what I was doing when a miscalculated kick sent my toy-stone spinning. My heart leapt into my throat: my stone collided with the Lady's shin.

Unsure of what to do, I dropped down on one knee and muttered, respectfully, "Most very sorry, my Lady." My thoughts raced as a line of sweat broke out on my brow. Sure, it was only a stone, but then, considering why I was in Lothlorien in the first place, that stone might have been responsible for my having my head chopped off. Elladan and Elrohir always told such stories about the Lady and her temper; often I laughed, but now my throat was stuck. What was she going to do to me? '_Oh, Elbereth, please, please let her have mercy, please, I promise to be good. . .'_

"Estel," said the Lady in a high, almost musical voice, "Might I have a word with you?"

I got to my feet, trying hard to neither shake or look at my little grey stone. "Yes, of course, Lady," I choked out with all the courage I could muster. Perhaps you question now my lack of eloquence? I was thirteen years old, travel-weary, and in a foreign place, hardly able to keep my gaze from wandering to the trees, so majestic and mighty as they stood. The plain idea of living in flets amazed me, having less-than-much worldly experience.

"Estel--" my, but she did address me quite directly!-- "I mean to speak with you about your life in the Elvish community, Imladris in particular, of course."

"Oh," I sighed with relief, my fear evaporating. I was unsure of what this concerned, but Elladan and Elrohir spoke often of then enmity between Lady Galadriel and Lord Elrond, and I supposed she aimed to insult him somehow about the manner in which he had raised me. On this note I decided I should be on my best behaviour and not argue, spit, or speak in slang terms--another valuable lesson from my brothers. "I thought--oh." _'Hush up!_' I shouted mentally at myself.

"When Elrond and Celebrían, my daughter, took you in, they entrusted you with a certain integrity. . ." the Lady began, and it was all I could do to bite back a groan. All my life I had heard similar speeches, lectures on my 'integrity', my 'morality', and all sorts of other things that Glorfindel, Erestor, Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrían seemed to think themselves true masters of. To be fair, the Lady Celebrían was easiest on me, lecturing only when I was in trouble and truly deserved it. Her lectures were the easiest, quiet and calm, speaking not at me but to me. She was gentle, and guided with such a hand as any would allow sway them for love of the Lady. Not like Glorfindel, who always seemed to need to mention himself and the Balrog. I had heard that story so many times that the fright had dimmed, then vanished. Erestor was all right, only he always acted as though this could only be expected of a mortal. Lord Elrond was fine to begin with, but got himself worked into a fervor, and would be preaching before long.

With this in mind, and managing through my best efforts not to roll my eyes, I could hardly help but think, _'Oh, not this propaganda again!'_ The response to which came, quietly but blatantly in my mind, **'I am choosing to ignore that comment.' **Elladan and Elrohir spoke often of 'unnatural powers' that their grandmother possessed, but never had they warned me of this! It took me fully off my guard, and I reeled backwards, jumping in fright away from the Lady. It took all my self-control not to shout or run from her. '_Oh, I hope she does not know how scared I am!' _"Sorry?" I ventured in a very small voice.

**'You would be surprised at what else I can see. . .' **"Apology accepted."

For years I have wondered whether or not she meant to addle my thoughts exactly as she did by thought-speaking then speaking normally. Decades later, when I had grown accustom to the ways of the Lady of the Wood, I would look back at my scared, shivering, teenaged self and laugh, though I would never stop blushing at the memory, and I would never know what her intentions truly were. "Lady, please, might we speak. . .in the normal manner?"

**'If you wish to,'** she replied, laughing such a full laugh it rang in my ears for many seconds later. I could feel my innards shrinking, in that fearing way that innards have. Some hidden part of me, the part that I am constantly and never aware of, where I know just what my body needs and cannot take, brought to my attention that I was on the verge of tears. Surely, it can be understood that I was a terrified child. Having been raised in the Elvish community, I was viewed as a child, as Elves age quite slowly. No one had taught me quite yet how to be an adult, and the rag-tag lessons that I had conjured for myself I had gone more than awry. At any rate, through terror swelled shame, and I hoped that the Lady could not see my fear.

"I am sorry, Estel," she said in a careful voice, "that was but an introduction to what you will be experiencing in years to come." It did not occur to me then, but Galadriel had many plans for me, quite a few of which would involve time spent in her woods. "I know it seems frightening now--" this was a major understatement "--but you will develop a tolerance for it. Someone once told me that Men and Elves could never exist in the same place and at the same time. You are no Elf, young _edan_, but I sense something great in you."

To say that I was flattered by this would be misleading. Comforted, perhaps, would be a better word, for then I felt worthwhile. However, I with my curiosity had to go and open my big mouth and say, "Thank you, Lady, but. . .I thought you were mad at me?"

"No, child! I am not angry. I only wish to make you understand that there are some morals and mental characteristics I have seen in you that most Men do not have."

Even there, had I stopped, I might have gotten out of such a difficult situation, but again I acted without thought. "You are not even angry that I ran away from Imladris?"

Everything seemed to freeze in that instant, and the Lady asked very slowly in a dangerous tone I had heard Elrond take many times, ". . .you ran away from Imladris?" And then, I cannot explain why, but I began to laugh, and I covered my face, blood rushing to my cheeks. I had been so sure she knew, so afraid of what she would do to me, and in light of what had happened. . .the humor cannot be placed in words, but if you ever experience such a thing, you will understand. It was **_funny!_** "Why?" the Lady cut in, seething angry. "That is all I ask. Why?"

And it was then that the meaning of her earlier words struck me. She knew my head, she had seen my mind. I was angry then, though I had no right to be. The emotions held back for too long were biting at the surface, fighting to be free. A minor lapse of self-restraint, and I exploded, "Why don't you see for yourself, you pervasive Elf WITCH!"

What happened then I shall never forget, for the horror of it was deeper than any, save that of a Nazgul, I have ever experienced else. She seemed suddenly quite terrible, as a monster king of pure stone, radiant beautiful. **_"DON'T YOU DARE EVER SPEAK TO ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE AGAIN!"_**

That struck me somewhere deep inside, a breed of terror before then unknown to me, and I shrank away, looking frantically for a place to hide from her. There was nowhere. The closest thing to a hiding spot I could see was a corner, and so I rushed to it, gasping and crying, ashamed. In the corner I folded myself into a small ball, wishing I could just disappear. All those pent-up feelings were springing loose now. I was shaking terribly, clawing at my arms, hands, shoulders, and hair, wishing I could just evaporate. I was ashamed, and that made me want to stop crying, but I could not, and because I could not my shame deepened, and I only cried harder. Soon enough I was hysterical, and just wanted to die right then and there, and I thought to myself, _'All she asked was why.'_ And while I highly suspected that she did not understand at all, a part of me almost hoped that she did. Hoped she wasn't judging me too harshly.

*****

TBC! Don't worry, all your questions will be answered. . .all in good time. . .


	2. Have You Ever Known Shame?

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters thereof  
  
Authors Note: Hi everyone! This is Galadriel, not Lock Owl (that'll be me, Estel, your editor for this evening), and I would like to sincerely apologize for my delay in updating my portion of this story. Ok, I want you all to know that I am new at this whole story writing deal, so please bear with me. Thanks a bunch.  
  
Oh, and one more thing, please remember that this story is AU. Thanks.  
  
_'…in italics…'_ means thoughts  
  
**'…in bold…'** means Galadriel speaking into someone's mind  
  
"…regular…" means normal speech  


R2R from Estel:

Dujoran: That would have been my doing, about Estel making it to Lothlorien in one piece. I always felt that he ran away without a destination in mind, but had he had one who is to say he'd not have reached it? His age was raised a bit, mostly because at the time Galadriel and I began this story I was that age, thirteen, and needed to get out a bit, if you know what I mean. Is there anything in particular you would like us to clarify? As for "Pervasive Elf-witch", that's something of an inside joke between Galadriel and I, but it seemed like. . .well. . .she was scaring him and he just reacted.

Alaskantiger: Rivendell, actually (just a helpful pointer). His reasons are actually only my knowledge and not Galadriel's, so as this is her chapter you won't get his reasons quite yet--but you will in time.

Grumpy: I should think so, I am a teenage boy! You will see. . .

Leggylover03: Actually, I'm not Lock Owl. Lock Owl is Cody, I'm her friend. If you've read 'Loving the Wind' I'm _that_ friend. But I'll get the message along to her to get with the updates.

Shadowfax04: Thanks! While it may be a while between updates, we won't stop writing until the story is finished.

Thanks, it was great hearing from all of you!

  
*****  
  
I had also heard Elladan and Elrohir speak of their grandmother's temper. Apparently, her moods can change faster than lightning. By this time, my eyes were blurred with hot, salty tears and I could not see the Lady as she approached me. I felt a soft, warm hand stroke through my hair, but I pulled away_. 'Why do the twins always have to be right?'_ I imagine that the Lady Galadriel was trying to evoke some sort of maternal instinct inside herself because she then proceeded to hug me. It felt like I was being wrapped up in a warm blanket, similar to when Celebrían hugs me, and I felt I no longer needed to cry. _'Oh, no. Contact. My weakness.'   
_  
"Estel, I am sorry. I know that must have been very frightening for you. It is for most people, let alone a boy your age." _'A boy my age? What does she think I am a infant?'. . .'Hush!'_ I had somehow forgotten that she could read my thoughts.  
  
"Now then, please tell me why you ran away from Imaldris." I wasn't about to give up that easily. I shook my head no. I could feel the tears rising one again. "Please Estel, I need to know."  
  
I decided to be somewhat mature…"Have you ever known shame, Lady?" I asked in a quivering voice.  
She looked confused, as if I had just presented her with a complex mathematical equation. "No. No, I have not." I could see that she was trying to read my mind again (or maybe I was just paranoid), so I put my hands over my ears, as to prevent her from entering my thoughts, and quickly exclaimed, "Then you will never understand why I ran away!" And then I started to cry, again, and the tears came with a blistering headache.  
  
The Lady of the Wood rose to her feet and, without thinking, I stood too. "Estel, come with me. I want to show you something." She lead me through the forest and into a clearing. In the middle was an elaborately carved stone pillar with what looked like a stone washbowl on top of it. It took me a moment realize that this was not a washbowl, but the Mirror of Galadriel! I had, once again, heard about this from the twins and I vowed never to listen to them again.   
  
"Estel, do you know what this is?" 

"Y-Yes" 

"Do you know its purpose?" 

"Y-no, I mean yes." 

  
"Then you know what I want you to do, correct?" 

  
I couldn't take this any more. "Forgive my impertinence Lady, but I do not want to gaze into your Mirror." She turned to get a pitcher of he shelf behind her, "And why is that?"  
  
"Because…" I could not admit to her that I was afraid of the truth. I knew that whatever I saw in the Mirror she would see as well and I did not want her to.  
  
_'Look into the Mirror, Estel.'_ I flinched. I hated when she did that. "No!" There was a short intake of breath from the Lady and I knew she was angry. I covered my head with my arms and crouched like she was about to throw something at me. But the Lady Galadriel did not yell, she did not scream, she didn't event reprimand me. I found this astonishing.  
  
"Very well," she said in a forced calm, "I shall leave you to collect your thoughts." Before I could anything, she walked away with silent footsteps. _'Was that it? Was that all she was going to say? If it was Elrond in place of the Lady, I'm sure I would be in for another lecture. Perhaps Elves are not as similar as I thought.' _

***** 


	3. Memories and Mirrors

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places thereof

Thanks to Lady Eowyn, my very awesome beta-reader

Leggylover03: Of course…

Alaskantiger: You're quite welcome. Don't worry, answers only lead to mysteries.

Daw the Minstrel: It's not common to write first-person fanfictions except for OCs, but I find them quite fun. Yes, and believe me, I know about the thirteen-year-old mind, but it was Galadriel, not Estel, who claimed no knowledge of shame. And by the way, there is a note in the first chapter clearly stating that Celebrían has been left in this story and that it is thusly AU, _but I guess you didn't read that._

*****

After many minutes I got to my feet, trembling, and walked away from the mirror. I did not know where to go. The Lady was angry with me, and so I wondered if my welcome in Lothlorien was worn out. Deciding that this was more than likely so, and dreading being turned out, alone and with no place to go, I numbly found my way back to the room I had inhabited the night before. Most of my things were still packed up, and so I made brief work of the remaining items. Just as I was heading for the door, the Lady entered.

"What are you doing, Estel?" she asked me, concerned.

"I. . .don't worry, Lady, I will be out of your way in just a few moments." I looked about, checking for any missed items. "You won't have to worry about me any longer. I hope you will not judge the rest of the world of Men just on my behaviour, I know it has been abominable--"

"Estel, stop this," the Lady commanded.

"Stop what?"

"Stop--stop speaking and listen to me," she said. I froze. "Look at me, Estel." Oh, no. Elrond always said that when he was angry. I never understood why, the only reason I ever looked away was that I was upset, fighting back tears. Biting my cheeks, I faced the Lady. "That's much better. Now, Estel, I do not want you to leave this forest. Not yet, at any rate. You are safe here, and there are many people in this world who want to know that you are safe, although you often cannot see that. I want to help you, Estel."

"No one can help me."

"Well, maybe you just have not met the right person."

"No one," I repeated, over-enunciating to be sure she understood.

With an unreadable look she said, "Why don't you rest? You are tired. All of this will be clearer in the morning."

"Yes, Lady," I replied. She left the room after a moment's hesitation; why did she pause? As soon as she was gone, I pulled an old shirt out of my pack and changed into it, changed out of my trousers and into undershorts, slipped into bed and fell asleep in moments.

When next I woke, it was with a start and a surprise. An owl hooted outside. In my sleep I had not, as I usually do, kicked the covers off, out of exhaustion or simply because I had been cold then, and when I awoke I was drenched in sweat. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and stood, out of bed, knowing what I had to do.

With great care I stole out of the room and down a very long flight of stairs, all the while keeping close to the _mallorn_ tree around which the staircase was wrapped. A crisp breeze blew through the trees, carrying sounds of soft laughter and song--Elves. In the distance I saw lights bobbing up and down, lanterns I suppose, but could not discern who carried them--oh, well. I could only hope the Lady did not catch me. If she knew--and if she caught me out, she would know--I would not be able to go through with it.

Within three feet of the ground I jumped off the staircase, landing softly on the ground, squatting with my head cocked and listening. When no one called after me, I got to my feet and made my way through the woods, carefully avoiding main paths and bending low, hoping she would not find me. Leaves crunched beneath my bare feet, and goosebumps rose on my bare flesh, but I was not too cold, and it felt good after waking up in such a sweat. 

I stepped on a stick and it cracked, sickeningly loud. My foot stung for a moment but, ignoring it, I jumped into a thicket of bushes, waiting, holding my breath. When I had counted to fifty (proudly having held my breath the entire time) I ventured out again. I was close enough, I decided, to stick to the main path. Hopefully it was the right path. . .ahead I could see a glow. That might mean I was nearing my destination, but it also might mean I was walking right into a nest of Elves. With a deep breath, I sprinted the rest of the way, eyes closed, so as not to become too afraid and turn back.

When I opened my eyes and gazed around, amazement struck me. I was in a clearing devoid of all life save myself. Trees ringed it thickly. Water trickled into a small basin from Valar only know where. A staircase of stone climbed one nearby _mallorn_. I had not seen those stairs before and decided that, after my errand, I would see what was up them. But at the moment I had more important business to attend to. I lifted the silver jug the Lady had reached for earlier. I shook so badly I dropped it, but quick as lightning caught it again. Calming myself, I held the pitcher beneath the trickling stream of water. Some cold, clean water splashed my hand, and it was almost cold enough to make me shiver.

Taking deep, calming breaths, I walked to the center of the clearing. All the while I hoped my feet would betray me and catch on some root, sending me sprawling, but no such thing occurred. I reached the stone with the mirror uninterrupted, and poured the water in, watching it splash and circle, then settle peacefully. _Mayhap this is naught but a usual mirror. Mayhap the twins were only trying to scare me--it would not be unlike them to do so._ With these thoughts I closed my eyes, set my hands on the stone surrounding the basin and gazed into the water.

When I was nine years old, Imladris had a very rainy winter. Elladan, Elrohir, and I built a fort in the library, sheltered by blankets hanging like curtains from a table as we listened to the storm howl outside, slashing rain pellets at the windowpane. Elladan and Elrohir took turns telling frightening stories, whilst I, too young to know any good fright-fest tales, shivered from tip to toe. They would tease me, suggesting that "perhaps Estel is too young; we should just take him back to his room, see how scared he is", and always I would protest, and with indulgent smiles and gleeful laughter they continued. One of Elladan's favourites was about the Mirror.

"…and it sees all, Estel. The mirror sees things that were--"

As I gazed into the mirror that night, I was no longer in Lothlorien forest, no longer thirteen years. I was only two years old, frightened, asleep on Gilraen's lap--I knew Gilraen, for she was on occasion in Imladris. "We will keep the little one safe," Celebrían said softly. It was then that I realized where they all were--they were in Elrond's study; Elrond, Celebrían, and Gilraen.

"No, Celebrían, we cannot--"

"Do not be silly, Elrond, there is no safer place for the youngster than Imladris. Come, little Hope," she said, taking me from Gilraen. "Do not be afraid, you will be safe here." Elrond, behind Celebrían, scowled, clearly displeased.

And as quickly as it had come it was over, and I was four years old, kneeling on a stool in the library, trying toi hard--but it was all so difficult. I was tired, and my eyes kept closing. Again, Lady Celebrían came to my rescue. She lifted my off the stool as I shook my eyes open. "He is four years old, Celebrían," Elrond said. "That is more than old enough."

"He is a child, Peredhil."

"Nay."

"Aye." Lady Celebrían began to rub my back gently, and I could hardly keep awake. "I am putting him to bed, as I should have hours ago." As she left the room, I saw Elrond, so disappointed, and I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, that I was only small and trying my very best, I really was, but…

Before I got a chance to apologize I was five years old, very carefully completing writing exercises from a copybook. Celebrían was not there, but Elrond stood behind me; I was unaware of him. He was smiling, proud of me. He coughed, and I turned. "Ada!" I cried. "Ada, look, ten letters!" I held up my copybook proudly and Elrond smiled again and told me I was doing well.

Six years later, autumn was not cooling off, but the heat rose fiercely. I could not sleep, and wandered outside to find Elrond already sitting on my favourite stone bench in the gardens. "Ada," I said, "what are you doing?"

"The same as you, Estel," he replied. I nodded and sat on the ground, just beside his feet. "Estel, have you seen the moon tonight?" I looked up and saw that the moon was full and orange-red. I gasped. "And look--the Great Hunter! And, here, the Bear…" I was attentive as Ada pointed out constellations, telling me why they were called what they were called, until he looked to the east and said, "Ah! Look, Estel, there is Eärendil, my sire."

"Do you miss him still, Ada?"

"Of course, but every dawn and dusk I watch him sail across the sky, and I know he is with my mother, and there is little more I could wish for him." Elrond smiled to let me know that it was all right, and I smiled back, though uncertain.

And then, just as a smile spread on my face in Lothlorien, I was snatched away to another memory. I was seven years old, rushing outside ahead of the twins. They chased after me, equally excited. I reached the pond first, although my boots sank into the snow, and slid out to the center of the frozen pond with a gleeful shout. "Ah! Elladan, Elrohir, look!" I shouted, trying to skate, and falling hard.

"Come on, Estel," they said, good-natured, helping me up. "If you sit there long enough your trousers will freeze against the ice, and then we should have to wait for the ice to defrost. Or we could always just take off the trousers, but you would get quite cold then, eh, Estel?"

"Aw, hush," I said, though later I skated up behind my brother and tried to steal his trousers for the threat. He threw me in a rather deep snowdrift, then fished me out.

I was young, perhaps six, lying in bed asleep. I had been ill and had been given some sort of tea to make me sleep, and so would not be waking for quite some time. Lady Celebrían and Lord Elrond were watching me. "Are you sorry for taking him in, truly?" asked Celebrían.

"No, not truly," Elrond replied.

And then I was ten years old, my eyes swollen shut. I could see only a bit out of my left eye and everything was so foggy. I staggered along, trying to find someone, hoping…but…"Estel! Oh, Estel." Someone grabbed my shoulders and led me quickly along the corridor. We were in the Hall of Healing. Whoever it was helped me sit down, then pressed a bit of flannel beneath my nose. "Estel, I need you to hold this. Estel!" Whoever it was then lifted my arm, positioning my hand to hold the flannel under my nose. In moments the blood was so profuse that it had soaked the flannel.

"Nana?" I asked, frantic. I was so confused!

"No, Estel. She is not here."

"Where?" I managed to ask, but it was difficult. Blood poured from my mouth when I opened it to speak.

"Shh, Estel, try to sit still." But I could not. "Would someone please find Celebrían?"

I was aching all over, feeling bruises forming on my skin. For agonizing minutes I tried my best to sit still, but it hurt so much that was a difficult task. Finally I felt someone's arms around me briefly, but comfortingly. When her hands touched my shoulder I cried out in pain. "Oh, Estel, are you all right? Shh, child, hush, it is all right, hush, Estel, I am here now, I promise you will be all right."

"I'm so sorry, Nana," I sobbed, blood pouring all over me, leaving its metallic taste in my mouth.

"Estel, dear, you mustn't cry, that will only make it worse. Can you do that for me, Estel, can you not cry?"

I nodded, rubbing away my tears--only to experience an excruciating pain and drop my hand back to my side. "Celebrían, you had best hold his hand for this." I nearly protested that I was not a child, but did not want to spill more blood over myself. What came next was the greatest pain I have ever known…

"…things that are…"

I was back in Imladris suddenly, in Elrond's study again. Celebrían, Elrond, and Glorfindel were there, discussing something. Elrond looked far more worried than I had ever seen him, and Celebrían's eyes were red and puffy as though she had been crying. What was it? I wanted to speak to her. 'Don't cry, Nana,' I wanted to say. 'Whatever it is, it will be all right. It will, Nana, it will be all right.'

"What do you mean?" she asked Glorfindel furiously. "You cannot just stop looking!"

"Lady, it has been almost two months. If the boy is still alive, he will have been found, and if--"

"Our son is not dead." Lady Celebrían stated this most firmly.

__

Elladan? Elrohir? What's happened? No, I have to go, have to find my brothers-- but the Mirror's trance remained unbroken.

"Estel is strong, but we must be reasonable," Elrond intervened before either Glorfindel or Celebrían started to yell. "If we have not found him yet, we stand little chance."

"No!" Lady Celebrían shouted. "You cannot abandon him to whatever fate he finds! He is only a child, for the Valar's sake!"

"Celebrían, please!" Elrond exclaimed. "There is little choice. Either he shall be found or he shall not be--"

"All right. At least I will keep looking for my son. I will go to see my mother, she will know, her Mirror sees much."

Before the Mirror could show me things yet to come to pass, as Elladan had said it would, I drew away, so violently that I sprawled on my back on a carpet of dirt and leaves. My breath came in short bursts, sobs choking up my throat, but I held them back. "Most disappointing," said the Lady, as she stepped over to her Mirror, then to me. "I had hoped you might reveal some of the reasons you ran away, but all I have seen is that after the age of four you had a very happy home."

But I was not paying attention to her; I was running from the clearing. "Estel!" Galadriel grabbed me before I had even left the clearing and held very tightly onto me. She was smart about it; she did not hold my shirt that I might shrug off nor my shoulders that I might wriggle free. She wrapped one hand around each of my forearms, holding me tight enough that I could not wriggle free. "Estel, stop this right now."

"No, let me go, I need to go, I have to go, I need to find Nana, I have to tell her that I am all right!" I was in tears, again, for the third time in a day, but I had not the time to be humiliated. "Lady, please! You must understand!"

****

Estel, you must be calm. Take a deep breath… almost against my will, I did, swallowing a great puff of air. My throat felt tight, but my tears slowed. **Good, child. Very good. Now, is there something you would like to tell me?**

I took a another deep breath and retreated into my mind. _I'm sorry, Grandmother._

****

Sorry?

I nodded and sniveled. _Please don't think me pathetic…_ this was not meant for her to hear, but she heard it, anyway.

****

Of course not, child.

The memory of Lady Celebrían came rushing back to me, and in seconds I was hysterical again. Lady Galadriel tightened her grip on my arms again, but allowed me to struggle. "I have to write a letter!" I shouted at long last. "I have to write a letter to Nana and Ada! I have to tell them that I'm sorry, I need to tell them, I have to!"

"Yes, child, you do. We are going to write a letter to the Lord and Lady of Imladris, and then you will tell me why you ran away, is that perfectly clear?"

I nodded.

~*~

__

Dear Nana and Ada,

I'm sorry. I did not mean to alarm you or hurt anybody, that's not why I ran away. I love you. I'm so sorry. I understand if you don't want to forgive me--

"You mustn't tell them that, Estel. Here, start over."

__

Dear Nana and Ada,

I'm sorry I ran away from home. I didn't mean to hurt anybody. I wasn't thinking; not clearly at any rate. It is hard for me to write down everything, but when we are together again--Lady Galadriel promised me we would be before the snows of winter--I shall tell you everything. I had quite an adventure; bet Elladan and Elrohir will be jealous. Tell them I love them, please? I met the Lady Galadriel, and she's taking care of me right now, so you needn't be concerned. She's a little frightening, but not too much. She says she sent you a letter already to let you know that I am safe. I'm so, so sorry I hurt you. I never meant it. Please forgive me. I love you.

Love,

Estel.

"All right, Estel." Lady Galadriel sealed the letter. "Now, I believe we need to have a very serious discussion."

"Yes, Lady. I know," I replied, hanging my head. "I've let down a lot of people, I know, and--"

"No, not that discussion!"

"What?"

"It is up to your parents to deal with punishing you, not up to me. However, as you have stumbled into my realm, I do wish to know why."

"All right." I disappeared inside myself again, and offered the Lady a memory, hoping it explained…

But all that came was a hurried series of sounds, people speaking, saying things; "He's only _edain_"; "You can do this, Estel"; "I have faith in you"; "There is nothing wrong with failure"

"You fear failure, is that correct, Estel?" asked the Lady.

I shook my head. "Everyone expects things of me…they want things…Why, Lady? Why is it so bad if I fail? It's only little things, it's only reading, languages, swordplay, archery; but when I do not do well it seems like…and everyone expects things I cannot deliver…and I _try_,Lady, I do try, but I can't do it. I felt like such a failure, and I thought maybe…if I just left…everyone would be better."

"Oh, Estel." Lady Galadriel caressed my cheek gently, and I shook, not with fear but with emotion. "No one is disappointed with you."

"I--I--Lady, could I go back to bed now?"

"Of course, child. You know, if you would wait a moment…" She rose and crossed to the other side of her chambers, then searched through the closet and returned, carrying a slightly battered-looking stuffed toy, which she proffered to me. "Why don't you take this? Celebrían held it every night in her sleep until well into her forties."

I took the stuffed bear, clutching it close to my chest, and allowed Galadriel to guide me gently back to my bed--I thought of it as my bed. "Goodnight, Lady," I said.

"Goodnight, Estel," she replied.

She knew I hadn't told the whole story. She knew I was holding back a large portion of the truth. She knew, but she ignored it, because Galadriel knew something else: she knew that I would have to face up to Celebrían and Elrond sooner or later, and that I would not be able to lie to them. She knew that I would not run again.

Or perhaps she just planned on looking through my mind and discovering the truth.

*****

Elvish translations:

Naneth = Mother; Nana = Mom, Mommy

Adar = father; Ada = dad, daddy


	4. Baths!

Hello everyone! At long last I have written and posted Chapter 4! Now you can all enjoy the rest of the story. Sorry it took so long. Hope you like it.  
  
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The next morning Estel rose to find that he had been asleep for almost twelve hours. He stretched, rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed with a thud. "Ouch." Estel stood up and wondered if the whole thing had been a dream.and then he saw the stuffed toy. Oh no. That means she is still here somewhere.  
  
Just as he was about to pack his things and escape out of the bedroom window, the most delicious smell came in through the doors. Mmm.breakfast. He had not eaten in four days and, seeing as he was an adolescent boy going through puberty, his hand was starting to look very tasty. All right. . . I'm going to sneak down the hall and into the dining room and hopefully she wont catch me.  
  
The dining room door was cracked open. Estel peeked through and saw the most elaborated display of pastries he had ever come across, not to mention every fruit that grew from Lorien to Rivendell. Oh, forget it! He ran in, slammed himself down on the chair and stuffed as much food into his mouth as possible.  
  
Just as Estel was about to start on the eggs he heard the ruffle of robes behind him. Uh oh. She found me. Now I'm gonna get it. I knew this was her breakfast. 'Oh, stop being so melodramatic,' Galadriel spoke into his head. Will the eloquence never end!  
  
What was he going to do? Estel had just eaten the Lady's morning meal. He was in for it and he knew it all too well. I just hope she's not like Elrond. "Eat," said Galadriel. She's not going to kill me? Wow. "Eat," she said again. This time he didn't hesitate. He was still savagely hungry and he was not about to waste any of this food.  
  
Sometime later the Galadriel said, "Estel, when was the last time that you had a bath."  
  
"Um.the was a clear stream about seven days back but it was so cold that I had to get out really quick."  
  
"Oh my," she thought. "I need to talk to Elrond about the proper raising of this child."  
  
"Estel, come with me."  
  
"But I'm not finished yet"  
  
"This is a more pressing matter, the food will still be here when you get back. The dirt and stench will not," the Lady mumbled.  
  
She led him to the clearest, calmest stream he had ever seen. Although it had a peaceful look to it, the though of a bath in a cold stream was not the kind of peaceful he had in mind. After an awkward pause Galadriel said, "Take off your clothes."  
  
"Just can't wait to see me in my under-things can you?"  
  
All she did was raise an eyebrow and say "I need to have them laundered."  
  
"Of course you do."  
  
"Now!"  
  
"Alright, alright. Clothes are coming off."  
  
The icy water was like needles on his flesh and it stung for a bit. He decided that if he absolutely must bathe himself he was going to make it enjoyable. He stepped out of the water and climbed onto a large boulder that was nearby. He silently counted to three, ran and dived into the water with a huge splash. When he came up for air he turned around and saw that he gotten Galadriel wet. He ginned. Her perfect clothing and hair were soaked. She looked like a stallion that had just run through a rainstorm.  
  
He laughed. "That's a very flattering look for you, Lady."  
  
"That was quite an athletic display, Estel."  
  
"I could do better. I wasn't really trying that time."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
The Lady walked over to the boulder and climbed up. She ran, leaped, did a beautiful swan dive with a somersault in the middle, and landed with no splash at all.  
  
"How's that for a dive Mr. Big Shot?" she retorted as she was getting out of the water.  
  
Estel was beyond stunned. Was he hallucinating? Did he really see what he thought he saw? Had the Lady of the Wood actually done an elaborated swan dive into an icy cold stream? The Elves never cease to amaze me. 


End file.
